I’m in the middle of being counterproductive today, and I felt like I needed to share all the things I don’t have time for. I blame technology and social media. Oh, and also my ability to be easily annoyed. Which is funny, because I’m also very annoying. We aren’t even being brought closer with these smartphones, and I’m being brought to the brink of losing my mind if you ask me for one more password on one of these damn apps:
SPEAKING OF: Let me be at risk of getting hacked. If I want my password to be 12345678, so be it. I completely understand having to change it every 4 months at work. Every corporation has sensitive, confidential information, and the last thing we need is for someone to get a hold of all the gifs my company lets us use on Microsoft Teams. But some of these accounts? No one cares. Work- fine. My bank account- ok sure. But please hack my student loans. Who really cares about my echelon information? Or need the information on my ESPN app? And why do you need me to reset my password, only to have me authenticate again by sending me a text or an email? I am just trying to create a Dunkin’ Donuts account for free hashbrowns! But no, seriously, hack into my student loans – the username is hotmesslife@gmail.com and the password is biscuit@pn247. Thanks in advance.
SURVEYS: Why in the world would you ask me if I would recommend Microsoft Outlook to someone else? No one does that. Seriously, stop asking. And let me just press 5 for every customer service representative question you have so they get their Starbucks gift card or pizza party. All you have to do is just ask me if they were nice and answered my question. I was seriously asked by my utility company if I would hire the customer service representative who assisted me if I was starting my own company? Sir, all she did was repeat my address back to me. The only survey I want to fill out is at Home Goods so I can win a $5,000 shopping spree for more white hand towels.
FAMOUS PEOPE HOCKING NORMAL PEOPLE THINGS: This has nothing to do with social media, technology, or passwords, but I don’t care – it’s really annoying. Celebrities sell things. They’re the one who get you to drive a Tesla or eat a Subway sandwich – I get it. But when I see Steph Curry getting “his” car sold on Carvana, I roll my eyes. They cannot expect me to believe that Mr. Curry is over there trying to get the best offer on his 2019 Mazda. Or Justin Herbert letting me know how easy was to save for his dream BBQ grill because of his SoFi account. I just saw Andy Cohen in a commercial for Walmart+, and I know he has never stepped foot in that place. I’m not sure he’s even been driven down the block in a neighborhood that was a Walmart.
APPS & ACCOUNTS: I have been trying (terribly) to reduce my screen time. What doesn’t help is the fact that in an effort to be more efficient, many companies are leaning to online platforms. It has come to a point where I don’t even want to renew my license online because it’s a hassle. You try and avoid the DMV and pay on the web, but you first have to set up an account. With an email and a phone number. And then you do all of this, only to find out that you’re not even eligible to renew online. Now I’m getting texts about how I can donate to the Detroit Pothole Fund at 5am – it’s ridiculous. I’m also easily influenced online and do have an affinity for inappropriate coffee mugs – so when I see one I like, I let myself spend $20 here and there to add to my collection. What I don’t want to do is set up an account with DumbCups.com when I’m never going to buy anything else. I don’t need an app for car insurance or to pay my utilities – let me complete my menial transaction and go on with my life.
“RE- PRE- SEN- TAAAAAAAA-TIIIIIIVES!”: Everyone knows I don’t like conflict, but when I do let it out, I usually overheat like a tea kettle and end up doing my best impression of a crying baby with an impressive vocabulary. I am not rude to people, but I am very condescending to robots – AKA phone prompt ladies. No, I do not want to download your app so I can be assisted much easier than I am now – I want to talk to a human! Oh you didn’t understand what I said? What part of “payment error” do you not understand?!?!
That’s all I got. That’s how annoyed I am. I don’t even have time to name anymore, I’m so annoyed.
*I just saw my third commercial from a celebrity for home diffusers. Come on, seriously? The guy who invented FUBU and Shark Tank is really invested in the scent of my living room?
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS
Hot Mess Life Blog 