I was so excited with the thought that I might be boo’d up soon, that I contemplated on the future content of my blog. Now that my love life didn’t suck, what in the world would I talk about? How would I make these fools laugh at my pain, if it didn’t have to do with my Tinder nightmares? Well, I’m still single ya’ll, so lucky for you!
I thought I may have found something special, but Baby Jesus had another plan. Oddly enough, the one time I was actually with someone, I didn’t want to write about him at all. For some reason, it was as if it was sacred or something. I still have no plans to write about him, really. In a nutshell, he came, he saw, he said he was looking for a relationship, and then said “SIKE!” in the worst way possible. (Sidenote: Is it possible to be legitimately upset if you break up with your fake boyfriend? Asking for myself…). For the most part, I’m over it. It’s been a couple months now since I broke things off, which incidentally has coincided with the last time I had the cajones to post anything on this wonderful blog you all tell me you read. So you can blame him for my absence!
(This is how dense I am, and my close friends can attest to this phenomenon: I just woke up in the middle of the night to start writing this, and I’m currently using the flashlight on my phone because I’m too lazy to get out of bed and turn on the actual light. And who’s going to have to get back out of bed and turn it off? ME. Hell no, not doing it. Anyway, I’m going on another tangent because it’s 4:43am and there’s a chance I may still be asleep. The point I’m trying to make is that I looked over at the wall and saw the shadow of my hand feverishly moving the pen, got caught up emotionally in the moment of my own genius, and tried to take a picture. Yes, I actually thought this was possible. It’s amazing how someone with such an expansive vocabulary can lack the minimal amount of common sense).
The time apart from this man has given me time to realize that Baby Jesus was right. Have you ever had time away from someone and it reaffirms that you weren’t as compatible as you originally thought? You realize that you weren’t matched very well- no matter how cute both of you are and how much you laughed (at each other). As the time has gone by, I know the decisions I made were correct. Plus, the time allowed me to realize I loathed the way he ate chicken, and that put me over the edge. I still miss that fool, and he’ll always have a place in my heart. But in the back, somewhere near the circumflex artery, which is relatively small. His space is back there.
So hey, Square One, I’m back. I also want to give a shout out again to everyone who’s sick of getting to know new people all over again and are still doing it in the name of love or whatever. I have no energy to go on in this dating world- I’m TIRED. I mean, I’m trying a bit, putting on a brave face, but I don’t wan’t to get to know people again! I thought I was good after the last six months, and when it all fell apart, I was pissed! I have to learn a whole new person? Again?? I’m not in the mood to acclimate to a new man’s eating habits at this point in my life. Or remember that he likes futbol over football (haha, spellcheck corrected futbol to the American version – he knows what’s up). I JUST started getting used to the fact that this guy sneezed like an animal – now I have to do it all over again and eventually get accustomed to a new man’s awful sneezing?
But I’m going to do it- we all are going to do it. Do it until it hurts. Or do it until it stops hurting. We’re doing it for love. All the cliches are correct – there’s someone out there for everyone. It won’t work out until you meet the right one. Everything happens for a reason. Love is all we need. There are plenty of fish in the sea. The 32nd time is the charm. You know, all the classics. Although I’m one salacious lower body pic away from deleting all dating apps, it still provides minute hope. Hope that through all the BS and sunglass photos, someone else is looking for the same thing. Human interaction is also another avenue I’ll attempt to ramp up. Of course, I’m always out there like everyone else, but meeting people in person has proven to be so much more difficult than previous years. We still do the same things, but honey, the same people ain’t there. Eye contact has died by way of the “smartphone”, and if someone actually makes eye contact with you and it’s longer than seven seconds, you’re scared. So if you’re still out there being a champ about dating, do yourself and everyone else a favor: be nice. Be authentic. Be truthful. And don’t be staring.
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS