A friend mentioned recently that women must constantly walk on eggshells when it comes to men. Many ladies are in fear that if they say the wrong thing, he’ll recoil his feelings, won’t call back, and that they’ll be relegated to a life with cats. Just ponder how many times you’ve erased a text message and sent something “nicer” instead, to avoid an awkward moment. And we definitely cannot forget the 1, 657, 467, 345 times a man has asked you “what’s wrong?”, and you reply”nothing” through pursed lips. Well, fellas, everything ain’t fine.
With age comes experience and wisdom. It also solidifies your standards, lowers your tolerance for nonsense, and empties your soul of fucks to give. As a fabulous unicorn lady who still finds herself perpetually single, I’m at a point where the need to hold back my true feelings to avoid hurting a man’s is no longer there. In instances where I use to shrug my shoulders and eat my feelings if a guy didn’t call me back or decided to string me along, I now have an urgency to keep it real.
Do you remember Flashdance guy from a month ago? Who witnessed the avalanche of water pour over me on our date, then proceeded to ignore me and not call me again? After no real contact after the date, I customarily forgot about him, and chalked it up to lack of interest, which is fine. Because if you were interested in someone, boys and girls, you would, um, call them, right? Of course not! You would reach out to them 3 weeks later, like absolutely nothing happened…
What you are about to read is what happens when keeping it real goes wrong. The thing is, it’s really not wrong, because it was going to happen eventually, and Flashdance was the unfortunate recipient of the wrath of a fed up woman.
***PAUSE*** This is in no way grammatically correct, or the way one should write, even for a casual blog. Luckily, I never said I was a professional- I’m just trying to get famous enough to pay off student loans and get on “Dancing With the Stars.” If I’m going to finish this story, I need to make sure I call this fool by his real name and by real name, I mean the one I put in my phone. The man in this story will now be referred to as “LA Fitness”, and not “Flashdance.” He’s a trainer of trainers, or something odd like that. Ok, now let me finish…
As I mentioned earlier, I put this guy out of my mind, only for him to send me a random text 3 weeks later:
(Actual Text Message Evidence of Foolery)
LA FITNESS: Hey
(That’s what you came up with to garner my attention??? Not one to not be proper, I responded professional like a boss)
LA FITNESS: Wyd
(Again, this guy is really using his words)
ME: Getting ready to go out
LA FITNESS: Cool have a good time be safe
ME: Thank you
(I coud have left it there, but I decided to take it in another direction)
ME: What prompted you to text me out of the blue?
LA FITNESS: Nothing
(Mr. Wow over here…)
LA FITNESS: Hot date?
ME: A date, yes lol do you even care?
LA FITNESS: Yes I do. You cheating on me
(I assume that this was his attempt at humor. Or flirting. It was neither, and was not working)
ME: Man, you’re a mess
(Then, I. just. kept. going)
ME: I’m going to be very clear, if you’re interested in dating, let me know. But if you’re unsure and want to send random, nonchalant texts every month and don’t really care either way, I’ll pass. Think about it. Goodnight 🙂
LA FITNESS: Lmao you a trip. Ok
ME: I’m serious. You know what you want or don’t want lol
LA FITNESS: Why all the aggression? I hit you up to say what’s up You way too serious
(This time, I was serious. Because this is my life and my time. And he didn’t text me because he wanted to “say what’s up”. He was bored, and wanted to see if I was still into him, because surely, that’s what I’ve been doing all this time, anxiously awaiting a “WYD” text after a month)
ME: How do you expect me to be if I haven’t talked to you in three weeks? Especially after I mentioned to you after our date that you didn’t seem interested at all? Come on now, if you consider that aggressive then I guess that’s it
LA FITNESS: Be like hi. You haven’t reached out either.
(Are you serious? I was impressed that he used “either”, though…)
ME: I feel like a broken record LOL. We went through this before. You show no interest so what am I supposed to think? I’m going to reach out to someone who I know doesn’t want to go out with me?
LA FITNESS: I don’t have any expectations. I didn’t know all of this was coming. Just checking in seeing how you were doing
ME: You shouldn’t be surprised but it’s all good
(When someone uses the phrase “It’s all good”: It is , in fact, NOT all good)
LA FITNESS: It is
ME: Ok well have a good one
LA FITNESS: You too sweetie
The last few texts were our attempts to out-do each other with a curt, short ending to the conversation. I think we both lost. Regardless, reading over this exchange, anyone should be able to see that he was not truly interested in pursuing anything with me, and was trying to see what he could get if I was dumb enough to give it to him. Luckily, I wasn’t. The real issue here is if I responded as a typical “crazy woman”. Hell-to-the-no. And let me tell you why…
For anyone who thinks I was too hard on him, take a good look at where we are today as a social and dating society. After you remove men from the equation who are in relationships and those who seek them out, you’re left with 50 million men that are either confused, bored, or their thumbs hurt from swiping right too much. Many could care less whether you call them back or not, but will throw out bait to see what they can catch. If he has all his teeth and a 401k, he knows there are about 20 other women out there that he can try reel in with minimal effort. I am completely aware that there are women out there who have the same mindset, and that’s fine. But to all those men who are carefree, noncommittal, and aren’t really interested, please hear me: If you go out with a woman and you’re not feeling it, we will not fall apart if you tell us the truth. If you decide to go the other route and completely ignore us, keep it that way. If you try to resurface because you realize we’re the best thing that will ever come into your life and you want to give this love thing more try, feel free and make sure you’re for real. But please don’t think “WYD” and “Sup” text messages will get you anywhere. You may end up like LA Fitness did, encountering a woman who finally decided to get it all off her chest. Ladies, don’t let anyone make you think you’re crazy for expressing to them how unacceptable their behavior is towards you. Just be aggressive. B-E aggressive. B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS