Stop Sugarcoating Sh*!

Maybe it’s time to tell your friend she’s fat.

I’m not giving you permission to tell your best friend that she’s a lazy slob, in hopes that she’ll cry into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s about it. But it is time that we all stop allowing our loved ones to make bad decisions and appear to accept it. Now we all know that people are entitled to live their lives the way they see fit, and you can’t force someone’s hand. However, if you love them, you need to tell the truth- even if the truth is that they’re an idiot. Have you ever found yourself saying to a friend “I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but I respect your decision and I’ll be here for you no matter what”? Well, it’s time to take the RESPECK out, and tell your loved one that they’ve lost their natural minds.

This idea came about when I was a very harsh critic to a friend of mine a few months ago. I frankly stated that their behavior was ridiculous, and that I disagreed with their actions regarding a relationship issue. I told this person they were being a complete idiot, and that if they didn’t want to be unhappy forever, they needed to start making the right choices. This person took everything in stride and thanked me for being so frank with them. Even when I assumed they may not want to talk to me again, they were appreciative of my wealth of wisdom, and said I should write about keepin’ it real.

Guess what, everyone? You’re allowed to disagree with the people who are the closest to you. It’s also okay to not support the decisions they make that ruins their lives and still love them (and vice versa). You’d be surprised how many people actually need to hear a bit of harsh reality from a homie in order to change their behavior. Let’s go back to our friend who likes to eat. If you have a best friend who has terrible eating habits, seems not care about her health, and doesn’t work out, it’s okay to tell her she needs to put the sandwiches down. Sure, she may be offended initially, but if you tell her how much you care for her and want to see her live long enough to be featured on the Today Show in 70 years, she’ll probably understand. We need to stop being afraid to lose friendships over telling people the truth. If your friendship is pure and genuine, these types of conversations shouldn’t be an issue.

I am a poster-child for this type of communication, and I thank my friends for it. I often like to make the same mistakes (mostly with men) multiple times, just to ensure that they’re terrible decisions. My friends have kindly advised me that I’m insane and the choices I have made have ultimately placed where I am today. No one sugar-coated their words, telling me that they would go along with my decisions. I received a swift kick to the ass, telling me to get my shit together, otherwise I might as well get ready for my cats. When you hear this type of feedback, initially you’re upset, mumbling to no one that you can do whatever you want. Then you start to realize, “Hey, maybe Mary is right. I should stop letting my ex-boyfriend back in my life. Nothing good ever will come from it. And she was also right about eating Lay’s Potato Chips. I love her.” I once had a friend call me during her wedding weekend, all because she found out I did something stupid. She angrily told me she loved me, but that I was a fool to continue my shenanigans, and hoped that I would soon get my act together. I did, and I am forever grateful to her-and so is my heart.

So if your friend complains she can’t fit in her jeans, but always want to go to the buffet, say something. Have a girlfriend who can’t seem to find a man, but won’t talk to anyone under 6 feet? Check her. Know someone who can’t afford to move out of his parent’s house, yet has 50 pairs of Ferragamos? Tell him to GET IT TOGETHER. They all may hate your for about 5 seconds, but they’ll thank you for it. Well, maybe some won’t thank you and might actually stop being your friend, but they suck.


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