I was getting ready to post an epic discussion on the topic of friendships between men and women today( who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?) when I got sidetracked by a unique first-date invitation.
I met a guy recently, who sent me a text today, asking if I would like to embark on a “unique opportunity”. No, it wasn’t a chance to enter an elaborate ponzi scheme, it was a date. But not just any first date, he invited me to the gym. He went on to say that it was really important for his future wife be in prime physical shape, and that if I was up for it, I was in for a chance of a lifetime. I really wasn’t sure if this was a joke to not, so I said “Just to be clear, you’re asking me out on a first date to the gym?” I even added a smiley face emoji to add some softness to my inquiry. He responded that he was very serious, and that I would receive “one-on-one personalized instruction”, something he doesn’t give out to just anyone. I truthfully told him that I had plans for the rest of the day, but asked if I could get a raincheck. He replied that there would be other opportunities. When I asked if he meant a date or a gym session, he replied “gym session”. Um, ok…
Honestly, I was a little hesitant up to this point if I wanted to go out with this guy. It seemed a bit much, and I wasn’t sure if he just really knew what he wanted in a woman (Ms Olympia, apparently), or if he was trying to sell me training sessions from 24-Hour Fitness. Just when I was leaning towards giving it a shot, I received this text message:
Mr. Fitness: U have an email I’m going to send you something real quick
Me: um, firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr. Fitness: Just sent it. Read it respond then when I call you I would like to discuss answers
Ya’ll, I can’t make this up. I know I can be a bit particular, and have been known to cut someone off in a minute, but I have never experienced an invitation to sweat on a treadmill and fill out a questionanire to determine a love match. But hey, love works in mysterious ways right? Oh, and the quiz that I got? Well, it was right out of a recycled Facebook post. Here are the mind-numbing questions he wanted to ask me:
1) Name 3 ppl you would invite to dinner
2) Your secret getaway spot only you and your boo would know
3) 1 song that you are taking from 2015 with you to 2016
4) 1st thing you would do if you won powerball
5) You’re preparing a meal 4 your date what would it be
6) A t-shirt slogan that you wouldn’t wear in public but around your house
7) Your dream home must include 1 thing
8) You could say something to Michelle Obama
9) Buy into a franchise which 1
10) 1 person in the media you cant stand
Well, after perusing through his own answers which he was so happily to provide (apparently he’s never letting Nicki Minaj’s “Truffle Butter” go), I decided to answer the questions. Here they are:
- I would invite Idris Elba, my roommate, and Jake Gyllenhaal over for dinner. Then I would ask Jake and my roommate to leave.
- Idris and I would have a spot in Fiji where WiFi is still an option, because I want EVERYBODY to know I was with him ( ain’t no secret’s bih!)
- Not gonna lie, Justin Bieber’s catalogue is following me into 2016…
- If I won the Powerball, I would tell Sallie Mae to go straight to hell.
- I cooked for a guys 5 years ago. It ended up in a disaster, I was left alone in my apartment, with an extra NY strip and tears. I guess I could try that again.
- I once bought a shirt that was so vulgar, that I was even scared to wear it around the house. I’m not sure why I bought it in the first place, so this is a bad question.
- My dream house would need to include a dream backyard, equipped with a grill, a 72-inch screen television, and a bed that floated in the pool.
- If I could say one thing to Michelle Obama, I would ask “What’s it like?”
- If I could buy into a franchise, it would definitely be Banana Republic. Petite jeans for days!
- As far as the media goes, I would have to say I loathe Ann Coulter. I saw her at a Heat game, and I felt compelled to trip her, but I knew the Lord was watching.
I still don’t know if I’m going to accept his invitation to be interrogated as well as getting buff…
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS