Guess what? I’m pretty sure when the clock struck 12:00 AM EST last night, I came into the new year as the same hot mess I was 5 minutes prior, when I was sipping Barefoot and dancing to Fall Out Boy on my balcony. There will be no “New Year, New Me” crap coming from me. Oh, I am here to assure everyone that my hot mess life will be elevated to levels you have yet to experience.
As the years go by, you become more comfortable in your own skin, feel pretty good about life, and have a profound affinity to not give a shit. So I no longer make “resolutions” per se, because I don’t need a change in the calendar to get me to finally stop eating so many french fries. My muffin top will tell me that any day of the year. But if I must make some sort of declaration on this first day of 2016, it might as well be of the hot mess variety. So here are a few thoughts for the new year- may you wish me luck in adhering to their wisdom, and may you be adventurous enough to practice some of them on your own:
2016 Hot Mess Resolutions
DON’T CARE ABOUT A KARDASHIAN. What I’m trying to say here is mind your own business. It is too easy in this age of social media to get caught up in other people’s drama, lives, marriages-even people you don’t even know. It proves even more difficult when individuals publish events in their lives for all the world to see (myself included). Yes, it can be entertaining at times, but don’t let someone else’s life actions consume yours, even a little bit. Instead of worrying about what KimYe named their baby, go read a book. You can finally stop FB stalking your ex and go to the beach instead.
AVOID THE GOLDEN ARCHES AT ALL COSTS. I made the tough decision to never eat fast food again about a month and a half ago. What made it worse is that it coincided with the much-anticipated decision to serve breakfast all-day at McDonald’s. To say that it has been difficult to handle is an understatement. But there is truly no value in eating that mess. If you’re going to eat a burger and fries, try having it a nice restaurant that doesn’t throw your food at you through a window in a bag, no less.
FEEL FREE TO HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS. This sounds bad, but I am referring to the fact that sometimes we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings when they ‘ve hurt us or made us uncomfortable. As a person who usually avoids conflict, I have been known to brush off many things that upset me, because I don’t’ want someone to be hurt. Now, I’m not saying go around texting “F U” to all your exes, but know when to speak your mind. For example, I just told a guy that it was creepy that he wanted to “kiss and caress me”, and we haven’t even gone on our first date yet. In the past, I would have just completely ignored him, but I felt he needed to know that women don’t’ like that. I’m saving you from him, girl.
MAKE A STUPID GOAL AND ACHIEVE IT. I’ve had the same goal every year, and failed. Eventually, I will finally achieve my former 6th grade weight, but in the meantime, try setting a goal that is so crazy and fun, that you laugh while thinking about it. Make it a point to go skinny dipping before the summer. Plan to go on a 3-day cruise by yourself, and eat as much food as you can at the buffet. My goal for 2016? I’m going to find Idris Elba. I’m going to London, find out where he has a DJ set, and then I’m going to dance around the floor so hard, that he will forced to stop the music and ask me to join him in mashing up Jeezy and Miley Cyrus. Yes, we may not be able to be together (I’m not going to break up a happy home), but if we can’t be lovers, we need to be friends.
HOT MESS THE SHIT OUT OF 2016. Do what you want. Love who you want. Eat what you want. Workout when you want. Wear what you want. Watch what you want. Sing what you want. Shop wherever you want. Cut off who you want. Be friends with anybody you want. Express yourself whenever you want. Go to the bathroom wherever you want (not outside or on a playground, though). Travel where you want. Mess up when you want. Own up to your mistakes when you want. Forgive when you want. Cry when you want. And be a hot mess whenever and wherever you want.