My mother has described me as a cry-baby all my life. When I was younger, I was known to bawl when I had to take a nap, when I couldn’t go outside to play, our when I had to break a $5. I have been known to cry when I’m sad, frustrated, happy, hungry, or experiencing a rousing bout of cramps. Having the ability to tear up at a moment’s notice used to be something I was embarrassed about, even ashamed. But “crier” is a badge that I proudly (sort of) wear now, because it confirms my status as an emotionally superior person. Basically, I feel more than all of you, and that makes me awesome.
The downside of this ability to cry at the drop of a hat is THE ABILITY TO CRY AT THE DROP OF THE HAT. While we all have the tendency to get teary-eyed at times, those times are constant for me. If you don’t think this is such a big deal, allow me to give you a perfect example. You know the SPCA commercial that has Sarah McLachlan mourning in the background, with all the sad animals? People say it has a tendency to make them tear up, even if they don’t like cats. Well, I have so many SPCA/McLachlan moments, that it’s become laughable. It could a commercial, a YouTube video, a nice gesture, or my fantasy football team losing- it doesn’t matter. The emotion that pours out of me can range from tears welling up in my eyes watching cat videos, to salty drops streaming down my face because Shark Week just started. I can’t help if I’m such a little vessel with a plethora of emotions.
At the risk of embarrassing myself and solidifying my single status for life, I want to share with you some of the more memorable moments that have resulted in my tear ducts working overtime. I swear, it really does make me normal:
- I watched a You Tube video in which a lady went to clean a house, and end up finding out it was her new home. I tried to blink back tears, thinking “Who puts this on the internet? Are they truing to ruin my day?”
- I actually teared up the other day when I watched Ellen win the Lip Sync Battle on the Tonight Show for the 57th time, when she rocked Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money”. As the tears started to form, I thought, “WTF is wrong with me? And why is Ellen so awesome?”
- My roommate went out of town and I had made plans to use her Amazon Fire TV. When I got home from work and realized she had already set it up in the living room, I got misty-eyed. I thought though the tears, “Oh man, she’s such good friend”. I text her this embarrassing admission, and she laughed at me. And yes, it was the days preceding Shark Week.
- I cried when my alma mater lost the National Championship in 2003. I can’t fully relive that time in my life, and it’s still hard to talk about. And those were real tears, not just a few sniffles.
- And speaking of sports, I also cried when I was a touchdown away from winning $260 in a football squares pool a few months back. All I needed was Miami to score a freakin’ touchdown in the last 0:43 seconds, and off to Banana Republic Factory Store I was going to go. But the Dolphins disappoint as much as my beloved Lions do, and I admittedly shed a few tears.
- I was close to tears once (just one welled up in my right eye), when I was trying to get takeout at a popular downtown Miami BBQ spot. Because it’s downtown, I couldn’t find a parking spot to save my life. I think I circled the block about 3 times, and then finally gave up. I was literally sniffling as I sped off, smelling grilled meat that I was never going to eat.
- I cry at concerts. Pretty much all of them. I’m always overcome with emotion when someone decides to sing to me for $150. Knowing that Janet Jackson was singing 1000 feet away from me tears me up inside. Watching Sam Smith sing an encore made me think of rainbows and love again, as I dabbed my cheeks with a tissue. Screaming at the top of my lungs “SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” with Linkin Park on three separate occasions made me cry like you wouldn’t believe.
When I look back at many of these moments, I often laugh out loud, because the thought of crying at a lip-sync battle is quite comical. But then someone sends me a video of a security guard winning a house and I’m welling up again.
Have you ever cried at something laughable? Don’t worry, you can come be embarrassed with me…
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS