What about my friends? Well, I am of one of those corny people who actually has more than one best friend. They all mean so much to me in my life, but all of them serve the same purpose: to make sure I don’t marry the wrong person. They have seen me at my highs and my lows, through good eyebrows, and bad. They have never judged me for being a hot mess, and it is for this reason they have all been in my life for more than ten years. And as long as I don’t do anything stupid, they should be there for at least 10 more. So I thought I would introduce you to my trio of crazies ( given code names, but you can pretty much figure out who they are):
“JLO” (21 YEARS): One of my first “best friends” from high school. Who is also a dude. We met when we were both 14 years old, and very tiny. We are still tiny. Our first meeting was during an exhilarating Junior Varsity basketball match, in which my school barely deciphered the rules of the game, and his school was on the other side of the world. We thought we liked each other, but we also thought wearing matching brown outfits to a homecoming dance was a good idea. This was evidence enough for the both of us that we should just be friends. The years after have been filled with trying to give each other support and love advice, all of which I never listen to. He has had more phone numbers than I have had boyfriends. He and I are both hoping he is still breathing by the time I eventually walk down the aisle.
“415 PRODUCTIONS” (16 YEARS): I knew we were kindred spirits when I came back from my first day of classes in college, and she was in our dorm room taking nap. I LOVE NAPS. Introduced during an early admissions weekend at our alma mater, I was thrown together with my bestie by pure accident. I was at an icebreaker mixer, and a woman approached me with this gem: ” I have a daughter who looks just like you. She’s in the bathroom”. Um, ok. Although we look nothing alike, I thank my friend’s momma because we proceeded to have the best college years someone could have without drinking. Karaoke in our dorm room on Friday nights, thinking we were drunk off Smirnoff Ice, and getting tattoos while playing New Edition were only a blip on the map of craziness we have had over the years. We have also celebrated our birthdays together every year ever since, And even though she has a baby now (I’m Aunt Cleetus!), I’m sure we will celebrating our birthdays together when we’re 85 (with said baby pushing our wheelchairs).
“EBONY” (8 YEARS): Ok, so we haven’t been friends for 10 years, but we’ve lived together for over half of that, so you should just multiply 8 by 5. She was also forced upon me, but by a coworker. At the time, she was new to the office, and apparently my colleague thought I didn’t have any friends and asked me to take the girl to lunch. What I didn’t know was that he also told her that I needed someone to eat lunch with. Little did he know, he was setting in motion a historic event, because we are now the Ebony and Ivory you all see today. Except she’s Ebony and Ivory. We’re the best of friends, and I guess we’re inseparable, because people freak out when we are not in the same room. We actually stopped being friends for a brief moment, and when we reunited, everyone literally said “I’m so glad you guys got back together”. When we decided to be fake ballers, we moved to a fancy apartment, and now rule the streets of Brickell, trying to weed through men on Tinder. We say we’ll live together until someone gets a man or knocked up. We are currently on Year 5. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
SHOUT OUT TO MY BFFs! And my BFFFFFS (they know who they are).