10 Hot Mess Reasons Why I’m Happy Football is Back

  1. Being in 3 Fantasy Football leagues and 1 Survivor pool will give me a false hope that I will win all four and soon become a hundrednaire.
  2. Men in tight pants.
  3. Legitimate reason to drink beer. But only on Sundays. And some Mondays. Maybe a few Thursdays. Ok, so that’s not a great plan…
  4. The return of butterflies in my stomach. Not because I met a nice guy, or just ended a great date, but because I’m praying for the Ravens to come back in the 4th quarter and ALL I NEED is a field goal from Justin Tucker.
  5. Calvin Johnson. Not because he’s a Lion. Not because he’s built like a Transformer. It’s because he’s hot.
  6. Bar food. Nachos. Mozzarella sticks. Burgers. Truffle fries. Now that I think about it, I don’t really need football as an excuse to eat that stuff. I know, I have a problem…
  7. My football knowledge allows me to pick up men in bars with ease, making me a hot commodity. Oh, wait…
  8. Jim Harbaugh. Total DILF.
  9. Football gives me a perfect reason to scream and curse in public, outside of when I’m driving on US 1.
  10. I now have something to take my mind off my mind-numbing singledom. Once the last whistles blow, the tears return.


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