Let Me Get This Straight

straightenhair

My hair has been in a curly state for over a month and a half now. Every time I started to ponder the thought of breaking out my blow dryer, I would think of the man hours I would need to complete the mission, the amount of conditioner I needed, the pile of hair that would accumulate on the ground, and the pain that would remain in my arms, and I would then give up and let my curls live to see another day.

Anyone who is familiar with myself or this blog, knows that I have a love affair with my hair. Yes, I love my curls, I love my long tresses, and I love the versatility that my unique hair provides. However, because I do my own hair the majority of the time, the straightening process is extremely time-consuming, and at times soul-crushing. I’ve posted pictures up on social media displaying my hair in these various states, many of them displaying my sadness and frustration at the beginning of the journey, and an exhausted, yet jubilant euphoria at the end. I’ve complained about it too many times, but I really don’t think many people understand just how difficult it is to tame your own personal curly mane. I literally have to psych myself up to do it, because I have to be both mentally and physically prepared to complete this arduous task. I have to clear my morning/evening, as it will take at least 4 hours, and must also ensure that I don’t do any weight lifting, as my arms will receive a nasty workout as I try to blow dry the hair located in the back of my head with my baby arms.

Before I even decide to bust out the flat-iron, I’ve changed my mind at least 3 times. Is it worth it? How long will it take? Will I look like James Brown if I go outside right after? Today, I decided to take on the task I haven’t done since my birthday, and I after psyching myself out twice, I said eff it, and got down to business:

6:00-6:15pm- Contemplation time: this is when I made the final decision to go ahead and straighten my hair. I almost said no to myself, but I contemplated the possible date I was going on that week, and I concluded that I needed my tresses long enough to twirl around my finger and flip out of my face, and I simply could not do that with my Carrot Top ‘fro. Although it is super cute, it was not going to serve its purpose of mega-flirting.

6:30-7:08pm- The hair washing process is conducted. Yes, it took me an entire 30 minutes to wash my own hair, because I am currently looking like the Mean ‘Ol Lion from the Wiz. I had to wash, then wash again, then separate into 4 sections and comb conditioner through my tight coils in order to prepare it for the deep conditioning that would take place soon after. My arms start to hurt, and it will only get worse throughout the night.

7:08-8:25pm- Add about 2 pounds of deep conditioner to my hair, since I don’t have one of those heated, at-home dryer thingies. Instructions suggest to leave it in my hair for an hour, if you have no heat to apply to your hair. I give it another 30 minutes, because well, my hair is thicker than Amber Rose.

8:30-8:35pm- Rinse out conditioner and prepare for the blow drying process. When I stepped into the shower, I cringed as I saw all of the little curly locks that were soon gong to meet their death in the shower drain. Few know the agony of trying to untangle hair, but it’s even more difficult when our hair is curly. The shower floor looked like a crime scene, and I spend a few minutes cleaning it again before finishing, because quite frankly, it was freaking me out. While we’re on the subject of crime scenes, I decide to cover the floor with a drop cloth of sorts, Dexter-style, to avoid the inevitable mess that will be created in the next segment of time that I will never be able to get back after I finish blow-drying all of my hair. See you all in 2 days…

9:13pm- Just completed the blow-drying process of the lower half of my head. Well, the first phase really, because after the first go-round, I do it one more time all together to just to make sure I don’t miss a spot. And don’t you worry, this entire time has not been spent with actual heat being applied to my hair. I do have heat-protection spray, thank goodness so I can do what I want, but I had to also take a break to sit down. I actually went and got my office chair so I can sit in my bathroom, because my body is actually exhausted. I also took short breaks to pray, re-evaluate my life, breathe, things like that. Only two more sections to go…

9:33pm- I’m seriously reevaluating decisions I’ve made in life, mostly pertaining to my hair. With one more section of my mane still remaining, I wonder if I should get a weave again and just say eff it. Then I remember when I actually had hair extensions and it was the worst experience of my life (who’s being dramatic?). You could see the tracks all the way up to my hair-line, but I didn’t know what to tell the stylist because I never had someone else’s hair in my head. I had to wear a headband for the 2 months that mess sat atop of my head. It was also during this time that I dated a guy who suddenly had to move to South Dakota because he was in the Air Force. I’m now starting to think that he did not leave because he was coerced to by the armed forces. It was that hair he could never really run his hands through!

10:00pm- I am finally completing the blow drying process. I’m tired, but I must now break out the flat-iron, my best friend outside of Garnier Fructise Triple Moisture Conditioner ( endorsement deal?). I now need to get wine involved in this final stretch…

12:03pm- I’m so over it. I’ve been done for a while, but I had to regroup out of the balcony. The flat-ironing portion of the evening took a little longer than I had anticipated, because well there was wine. Plus, my Pandora decided to play “Mr. Ice Cream Man” by Master P, which caused me to go onto YouTube and listen to the original version of World Class Wrecking Crew’s “Turn off The Lights”, which then turned into a full-blown R&B karaoke fest. Now I look awesome, but I am spent and no longer can leave the house. I am not exaggerating when I say that this was a time-consuming process, but we live and die for beauty. And the ability to pull our hair back into a ponytail.

 

-KEEP IT A HOT MESS

One thought on “Let Me Get This Straight

  1. Secret hairstylist tip: if you don’t have a dryer at home for the deep conditioner just put on one of those plastic shower caps (like the free ones at hotels) after you apply the deep conditioner. Then take a blowdryer, stick the nozzle under the plastic cap and blow heat (about 5 seconds) into the cap. It will look like jiffy pop on your head BUT it starts the heat process along with natural head heat and thus “deep conditions”…You may want to blow some hot air into the cap a few times to keep it nice and steamy- just be careful not to melt the actual cap. LOL

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