Cleaning Out My Closet: A Play By Play

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I own this dress. I bought it last summer and wore it to the Prince concert in New Orleans. Although I do not claim to look like Cristina Milian ( I am my own woman), I looked pretty good myself in the frock, as I danced the night away to “When Doves Cry”. 8 months later, I’m the one crying, as it DOES NOT look like this anymore. This is when I decided to conduct a very soul-crushing, but hopefully mind-opening experiment of trying on all the clothes in my closet to see how they fit, thus determining where I should take my fitness plan.

I already know I need to drop it likes it hot ( a few pounds that is). It is a struggle, let anyone tell you, no matter how fit/unfit you are, to be in your best shape. But because I tend to suffer from FFGC sporadically ( read Former Fat Girl Confidence), I felt I needed another reminder as to why I’m doing this. So I started with the BCBG dress from above:

Closet: 1, Me: 0- Doesn’t quite look the same as it did last summer. I wouldn’t walk out of the house with this on, so a few more dip-it-lows are in order. I’ll save it for my next hot date at LIV.

Closet: 1.5, Me: .5- So I can still fit pretty nicely into my bridesmaid’s dress from a few years ago. The score was split because once again, Thelma and Louise REFUSE to cooperate with me, anytime I wear something fitted. It’s as if they continue to grow, regardless of whether I lose weight or gain a few pounds. Is there some type of isolated workout just for my girls? Please let me know…

Closet: 4.5, Me: .5- The point differential spiked up because I just tried on two pairs of jeans and a skirt that were too small to begin with when they were purchased. They were “inspiration” pieces. Oh, some of you know exactly what I’m talking about. You go buy something 2 sizes too small, because you plan on fitting into them eventually. People, don’t do this to yourself, it’s just pure torture. Be confident in your own skin, and wear clothes that fit your body type, because you can rock whatever you have on and look good doing it. But if you’re going to buy an inspiration pair of jeans, do the work to get into them, not to bust the zipper.

Closet: 5.0, Me: 1.5- I’m gaining some ground! However, this point should serve as a public announcement to the need for tailoring: Even if you can’t fit it, buy what you can and have it fitted to your body. I just tried on a dress that was huge, and I had to buy it that way so my girls could fit in it. This is the same reason why yet another dress only earned me half a point, due to the fact that it’s too tight in the chest area, but loose everywhere else. I always have to buy a larger dress to fit up top, and then the dress falls off of my body in every other area. Find a good tailor, and let them sew you into something nice. Otherwise, you’ll just have a closet full of fabulous dresses you can only parade around the kitchen in until your chest can’t breathe.

Closet: 7.0, Me: 1.5- Yet another dress falls victim to the twins. They are truly a gift and a curse. I do not enjoy this theme right now. It’s like they don’t want me to have joy in life.

Closet: 7.0, Me: 3.5- White jeans in your size can be your friend. Doesn’t matter if you’re tiny, BBW, or in between, they will turn heads any time you have them on if you wear them right. Also, another point for the infamous red skirt. Ladies with curves: A-line skirts are your friend.

Closet: 50, Me: 20- You know that feeling when you’re in a fitting room, trying on clothes and you suddenly start burning up because nothing fits, you’re sick of pulling garments over your head, and you feel like your skin is on fire? Well, that just happened in my own bedroom. I had to go turn the A/C on to 45 degrees. I’m breathing heavy, draped across my bed, with my favorite, little black dress on, except I’M not so little and black anymore. This dress has had so many good memories, and bad ones too: VIP tables at The Red Room, Martini Bar, and even a drunken fake breakup. Aaah, I want to go back to those days in this dress. And that’s what motivates me to get it together. I hope it does for someone else out there, too. Because I don’t have enough room in my closet to buy anymore dresses that I can’t wear while I’m out making good, bad decisions.

 

-KEEP IT A HOT MESS

 

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