(this is one of the guys I had to say hello to in ‘Nawlins… now you understand)
*Last time we spoke, I relayed to you the woes of the first half of this experiment that Iyanla forced me to conduct, in which I attempted to say hello to all men for a 7-day period. As you all remember, I failed miserably. Not one to give up on myself, I decided to try it again last week when I headed to New Orleans for the 4th of July. The following epic fail ensued…
June 30th, 11:15 am-I go outside to retrieve something from my car and I run into the maintenance man. I say “hello” and he just smiles. I think I will have to accept this from men who don’t speak English. But at least my bitch-face is disappearing.
7:15 pm-I say hello to the hottest guy in my office. He doesn’t work for me, so this is completely acceptable. He breaks into a gorgeous smile and reciprocates my greeting. Then I have this random thought about attractive people getting away with murder…
July 1st, 2:15 pm-I muster up enough strength to even say hi to my neighbor who I loathe because he has the loudest car in the universe and cranks it up on the daily at the crack of a dawn ( aka 7:30 am) every day of the week without fail. I cringed and walked downstairs and even break into a genuine smile and hello. He proceeds to crack up laughing, and mentions something about pigs flying and how me talking to him is a sign that he’s going to have bad luck today, and he can’t afford to lose his job. Do you see the fear and anxiety I put forth in the universe? Girl, you ARE the problem.
July 2nd, 2:30 pm- I got highlights this morning, just in time for my New Orleans trip this weekend. It’s a proven, scientific fact that when a woman has a good hair day, 100% of all things go right in her world. After I left the spa, I said hello to EVERYBODY today! I flip my hair back and forth and even wink at someone. This gesture is quickly extinguished because it is also a proven fact that I am terrible at winking. My idea of winking is the equivalent of someone trying to blink contacts out of their own eyes, without using their hands. But I don’t care, because I look fabulous!
July 3rd, 9:30 am- I’m off to New Orleans! There is no doubt in my mind that I will have a plethora of “hellos” to tell you about- I can’t wait!
(CRICKETS CHIRP…OR CRICK… OR WHATEVER THEY DO TO MAKE NOISE…)
Present Day- I have nothing else significant to report because I gave up again in the midst of my vacation. And therein lies the problem. Let me tell you: I was not lacking in opportunities to say hello to plenty of men in the Big Easy. There were men everywhere! Hot ones, decent ones, scary ones, and drunk one stumbling down Bourbon Street. I made no effort to say hello to anyone because I retreated back into my nonchalant attitude. My chronic bitch face was 60% eliminated, so by no means was I rude to several of the men who spoke to me throughout my vacation. However, the other 30% was there with a vengeance. My lack of eye contact resurfaced, I became enveloped in my own world, and BOOM- experiment forgotten. So what does all of this mean? I’m not so sure.
I don’t know if I need to call my girl Iyanla to find out what I was supposed to get out of this “Hello” experiment, but I’m pretty sure I failed it. I never went an entire week actively saying hello to men and pondering the outcome. Is it because I’m not friendly? That’s debatable ( I think I’m awesome). Is it a self-confidence issue? Perhaps? Or is it because I have spiraled out of control into this abyss known as “IDGAF” land? Because I am a lady, I’ll let you figure out the acronym for yourself. I’m actually a hot mess right now, and I’m going to be one for a while. Help us all…
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS