Hello? Is It Me You’re Looking For?



(Maybe wearing this shirt will help)

Remember the Iyanla Vanzant experiment I discussed last week?  The one where I would say hello to every man I encountered for a period of 7-days? If you don’t or you are just logging on to Hot Mess Life for the first time ( shame on you!), let me back up a bit. I watched an episode of  “Iyanla Fix My Life” where she focused on the awesome topic of being a single lady. She had an audience full of women who discussed the highs and lows of trying to meet the One, and there was even an awkward moment when she let 50 single men into the room and the women almost had heart attacks. After a lot of dubious commentary in which women were saying that they can’t trust anyone and a few men said they liked to be chased (???), Iyanla closed the show by giving all of the women an “assignment”: for the next 7 days, you must speak to every man who you encounter. Say hello, smile, speak, whatever you need to do- just practice. Her caveat was that you must do so without any expectations- don’t expect the cute guy to ask for your number or the guy in the suit to offer you a job. Just say hello. I decided to take on the project as well and report to everyone…

Well, I did it. And let’s say the results were not as expected. I have a larger problem than I originally anticipated:

11:00 am Monday- The first guy I say hello to while on my way to the gym offers me his business card. I’m off to a great start and I now have a new contact in case my hard drive blows off.

4:30 pm Monday- My 7-day excursion to “Hi Man” land was delayed by a trip to the ER. No one was concerned with meeting my gaze to say hello there- not because they were all in various stages of pain, but because they were all glued to the television coverage of the World Cup. The only men I said hello to were the ones who had to wheel me around in a uneccessary wheelchair.

1:00 pm Tuesday- I have noticed that a lot of men in my city are rude- no one gives you an opportunity to say hello to them because they don’t even make eye contact. I know there are men like this everywhere, but the majority of people I’ve walked past are so consumed with their iPhone or the sidewalk that they don’t even acknowledge women walking past them on the street. This wouldn’t happen in the Midwest. This new variable has thrown a wrench into my experiment. I have decided to modify my experiment and only speak to men who actually make visual contact. The last thing I want to do is let my Detroit out and run up on some older gentleman and scare him in to looking at me and saying “hola”.

6:00pm Tuesday– First cute guy “hi”. Granted I know him and he works with my company, but that’s not the point. He looked at me and I said hello. Points for me.

11:36 pm Wednesday- Okay, so I realize that I only wake up in the morning, go to the gym, and then go straight to work. When I leave the office, it’s already dark and the “hellos” are extremely limited to people looming in gas stations. I’m going to need to do more than run on my complex’s treadmill and get gas at midnight.

9:30 am Friday- I went into the office today a little early, thinking I would have a better chance to say hello to men if I got off a decent hour. Whose happy hour am I going to tonight?

10:30 pm Friday- It’s official: I am the problem. One thing led to another tonight and I ended up doing my hair. Sadly, this was more of an exciting idea than going out to Midtown and having drinks with my girls, and saying hello to potentially 20 men. The fact that I was more excited to straighten my hair than go out on a prime night disturbs me a bit. People think I’m always going out, but this week is indicative of what usually happens. But on the bright side, I look fantastic!

7:00 pm Saturday- I am considering my week of saying “bonjour” to men a complete wash. So far, I’ve hit up 40 people from the office and a homeless man I neglected to tell you about ( he did have a great smile). I know I need to get out more, as evident in my scintillating date last night with some awesome leave-in conditioner. I’m heading to a friend’s game night after work, and I plan on getting some feedback from him and his make friends, perhaps to retry the experiment next week.

9:45 pm  Saturday- All the party guests are women. I’m done.

*** I will be conducting the experiment again next week- please feel to leave comments with tips… I need all the help I can get.


4 thoughts on “Hello? Is It Me You’re Looking For?

  1. Di247 says:

    This is the same concept behind my 40 guys goal. First 10 you realize you are the biggest part of the problem. Keep at it and hopefully habits change. 4 months and I’m only at 15 (I got lazy again in June).

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