( I woke up like dis. Actually I didn’t, but after 27 tries I did)
I was extremely hesitant to sign up for Instagram at first, because I thought it didn’t make any sense. Hmmm, lets’ see: a social media platform that allows people to share pictures with their online family and friends. Wait a minute- isn’t that what Facebook is for? I didn’t understand why it was necessary to have a completely separate website dedicate to posting pictures on the internet. Granted, you wouldn’t have to scroll through people’s emotional Facebook diatribes about their former significant other, but isn’t that what people do anyway? Let’s be real- all we do is scroll through the BS and look at pictures of cats, casseroles, and Tony from high school. Then Instagram was bought out by the Facebook for $1.7 gazillion dollars, and it made a bit more sense to me ( well-played, Zuckerburg). I held out as long as I could ( an appropriate 3 years), until someone from work, out of boredom, forced me to set up an online profile for the photography-driven mecca. I picked out a username, and immediately had friends start to follow me and I was able to see pictures they posted ( which could be shared on Facebook as well, but whatever, my argument is lost). I finally figured out how hashtags really work, and started to peruse though more self-portraits than I could count.
I had heard the term “selfie” before I signed up for Instagram, but now understood why the site was so popular. I had seen so many friends post these weird photographs with professional editing and lighting, and wanted to know how in the hell they did it. But then I was introduced to the 20 “filters” that Instagram allowed you to run your photographs through and realized just how easy it was for someone to go from Felicia from “Friday” to Beyonce in a matter of seconds! If you search the hashtag #selfie on the site, you will be able to thumb through 84,681, 733 pictures of people doing the duckface, dead sexy, non-chalant, peace sign, and the unforgettable booty shot. A somewhat normal looking human being, with average attractiveness, can upload a photograph taken in the bathroom of their choice, choose one of the lovely photo filters, and VOILA- you’re now Kim Kardashian in your granny’s half-bath.
I’ve heard some mumblings that many people have taken selfies too far. Some may think that an over abundance of personal pictures is too self-consuming. Seriously, how many #gymflow, #workoutswag, #nofilter, #allnatural, #teambarbie photographs does one require during a 2-hour sweat session? Is it really necessary to take 32 pictures of yourself in the bathroom ( with and without towels on the rack behind you)? Is the selfie causing too many individuals to be falsely narccisistic? Are too many people thinking they are hot shit when all they are is hot shit? If this is true- WHO CARES? SO WHAT?
Coming from a person who has had self-esteem issues, I’ve never been to keen on taking photographs of myself. I don’t feel like I’m too photogenic, so my selfies were none too plentiful before learning the wonders of FILTERS on Instagram. So what if it makes me look super tan, therefore that much more fabulous for myself and the rest of the World Wide Webs? If I am proud to post a filtered photograph of myself that bathes me in the softest light possible, how is this a problem for you? If I cock my head at the right angle, have my hair in the right place, run my pic through the “1977” filter, and I feel like $52 bucks, you BEST BELIEVE I’m uploading that bad boy on the Gram. And I’m going to share it on Facebook for ALL my friends to see. If the advent of the selfie makes some chick happier because she just got a fresh ‘do and some guy feel like he is smoking hot because he rediscovered his abs, I see nothing wrong with that. Quit your player-hating son. I’m sure selfies have brought new-found confidence to the downtrodden and joy to formerly self-loathing. And if your’e really sick of my pictures, I’m pretty sure you can scroll right through the 32nd selfie of my new sunglasses if you choose.
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS