A Petite Rant

( This is what I get when I get up to the third floor of Macy’s)

I never knew it would be so difficult to find a black blazer. Not a typical suit blazer with Color Me Bad shoulder pads, but one a little stretchy, chic- one I could put on with jeans. Last week, I figured I would hit up my corner TJ Maxx and score a fashionable little number at a good price, and maybe even score a pair of jeans, because hey, I’ve got money burning a hole in my pocket and I want to get rid of it!

What I was not expecting was the sheer agony and torture that went along with trying to find a jacket and pair of jeans to fit my body. Now, I’m an inch over 5 feet, and have the cutest pair of T-Rex arms you will ever see on a human . What this means is that I usually have to peruse the “PETITES” section of most stores to avoid looking like a 5-year-old trying on their mother’s clothes. I hit my first hurdle when I discovered that The Maxx no longer had a little bitty lady section anymore. They were no longer making it easy for me to find the shirt or pants that had the “P” at the end of the hanger label. I was now stuck in a purgatory between the Misses and Juniors sections. If I tried to pluck something off the racks in the Juniors department, I ran the risk of looking like Miley Cyrus, and if I went the other way to Misses, I might end up looking like a model straight out of a Chico’s ad. Needless to say, I was upset and confused. It was looking more likely that I would have to venture into the land of the malls…

Well, that was my second mistake. I went to Macy’s mostly because I had a gift card, but I was trying to be as upbeat as possible, hoping I would find the jacket and jeans of my dreams. BIG MISTAKE. I started off in the designer jean sections, but no “10SHORT” options, plus they all cost around $150.00. Eff that. When I tried to look for my trendy black jacket, I was relegated to penguin jackets where the shoulder pads nearly hit my elbows. And because I’m what some people may call “busty”, I have to get larger jackets, and I was not able to find anything that would fit. When I finally found one that I could button up, I looked in the mirror and I definitely resembled Nino Brown from New Jacket City ( shoulder pads OUT OF CONTROL). As I was visibly fuming, a store associate pointed out that there was an ENTIRE FLOOR dedicated to petite clothing on the top floor. I felt relieved! When I inquired if they had jeans up there, she hesitated and said to me with a straight face, “Uh, yes of course. There is a jeans section up on the third floor- try Calvin Klein”. So I hit the escalator, hoping to make this my last stop…

WELCOME TO THE THIRD FLOOR OF MACY’S. And probably every other department store where they wish to torture tiny ladies striving to be stylish. I think the section is on the third floor because it’s supposed to be hidden, hidden from the regular clothes and regular people. When I descended upon the third floor, I felt as if I was in Dorothy’s closet from the Golden Girls. Chino pants. Pleated khakis. Couch-print inspired jackets. Twin sweater sets. I was officially in my grandmother’s closet. There was no way in Hades I was going to find my ensemble here. For shizz and giggles, I sauntered over to the “jeans” department homegirl referenced, and I was bombarded with skorts ( ACTUAL JEAN SKORTS) and jeans with elastic waistbands. Was there no hope for the little woman under 55 years old?

Advice to fashion designers ( and people who make clothes for JC Penney): the little women are here, and we are sick of tailoring our clothes. Petite sections are disappearing from stores, and you’ve already taken Petite Sophisticate from us. We want to wear Rock and Republic skinny jeans too, but don’t want to have to head to the tailor every time we buy a decent pair of pants. Petite DOES NOT equal Grandma. Or Golden Girl. Yes, I may be short, but that does not mean I want to wear my jeans above my stomach and wear a blazer resembling my aunt’s plastic-covered couch. I do want to shout out Banana Republic for having the best selection of petite jeans. But I would like more options, as I can only go so far being a slightly sexy librarian with my BR jeans on.

Oh and by the way, I ended up finding my jacket at Target, of all places. I should have gone there in the first place. You have to look very hard, but sometimes you can luck out in the Juniors section. Just As long as you’re not in Wet Seal.

-KEEP IT A HOT MESS

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