I’ve lost twelve pounds and apparently my mind as well.
I juiced for two weeks and rebooted my body. I lost weight in the double digits. I sleep through the night and my skin is softer. I have energy for days and I work out all the time. I even know the guy from the Farmer’s Market by name- Johnny. Unfortunately, I also contracted a serious disease along the way. I currently suffer from “Former Fat Girl Confidence”, or FFGC as it is known on WebMD.
It usually plagues the individual who has reached their weight loss goal, but in severe cases, it can also plague women who have lost a few pounds, but who have yet to reach their target . These women have been led to believe that the end is near, which in turns boosts or reestablishes their confidence, resulting in various consequences, ranging from moderate to severe. This is a serious condition that can be cured if treated at the early onset of symptoms. I have outlined below some of the more serious symptoms of FFGC, as well as some triggers you may want to look out for to help a friend that may be suffering with this condition, and will also aid in self-diagnosis.
Symptoms of FFGC:
- Skimpy clothing/Less clothing: Current wardrobe starts to loosen up on the body, and there is a physical need to wear clothing closer to the skin. Please note, periods of warm weather or living in a hot climate will cause these symptoms to flare up. Although the body is not yet debut-ready, those who suffer from FFGC are led to believe that they are able to wear shorter shorts and tank tops for almost every occasion.
- Change in Gait (also known as “Walking Funny”): I can’t really explain this one because it makes no logical sense, but someone out there can relate. All I know is that I have been doing some “swaying hip” thing and it just feels different. I have now started to walk with a delusional sense of purpose- like I WANT you to watch me walk by. It’s all quite sad.
- Exaggerated Flirtatious Behavior: Self-confidence begins to return to normal levels, and in extreme cases, behavior may become excessive. Some examples are superfluous winking, staring into too many people’s eyes when speaking, the possible onset of fake laughing, and administering the “LOOK” to one too many men.
- Increase in Self-Portraits: Fat girls usually don’t like the way the look. Especially if they don’t like being overweight. But let this woman lose ten pounds, and suddenly she’s taking bathroom selfies and not shying away from the camera in social settings. She’ll even lets you tag her in these photos on the Facebook.
- Eating crappy food (again): As one of the more debilitating symptoms, consuming crap can happen at anytime during a weight loss plan. A sudden drop in pounds may cause a woman to consider going to Burger King at 10pm once again acceptable.
- Increase in Clothing Purchases: I bought a new swimsuit on Friday. It’s a two-piece. I technically shouldn’t be wearing it just yet, but I did. I need help. In addition to buying a new wardrobe, individuals with FFGC may also wear old clothing that hasn’t fit in awhile. It is best to ensure said clothing is still in season, so as not to embarrass those with FFGC, as she will not understand what is going- because she KNOWS she looks good.
Triggers of FGCC:
- Significant weight loss: A five-pound weight loss will boost confidence slightly. A woman may start to smile more, and increase her social activities. Any decrease in weight of 10 pounds or more will trigger all hell breaking loose and late night debauchery ( and possible shenanigans).
- Increase in compliments: Please stop telling me a woman with newly found weight loss that she “looks good”, “sexy”, and “amazing”. The compliments are welcome, but understand that you are most likely hurting more than helping. Many sufferers of FFGC haven’t reached their weight-loss goals, and you may actually trick them into thinking that eating Aussie cheese fries from Outback is once again acceptable.
- Spike in Male ( or Female) Attention: People start to look at these women differently, and the looks are lingering. Conversations go on for an additional five minutes. Doors are opened longer. Numbers may even be exchanged. This is a serious trigger for FFGC, which can lead to serious complications. The last thing you want to do is give a fat girl her confidence back. It’s a frightening thing.
If you know someone who is suffering from FFGC and exhibiting some of the aforementioned symptoms, help her immediately. Stage an intervention. Get homegirl a mirror. And if it’s you, you’re not alone. I suffer from the disease now, and I’m going to survive. Because I’m a survivor. I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to stop. I’m going to work harder.
-KEEP IT A HOT MESS