Started At The Bottom, Now We’re Here. And Here Is Still At The Bottom


Well, I lost a pound from last week. Now I’m right back to where I started. I’m not sure if I’m having some type of moment or what, but let me confess something that shouldn’t be much of a secret: losing weight is hard.

I’ve gained and lost the same 2 pounds for over a month now. I had ribs and ice cream last night, and I didn’t get dumped. I gave up red meat for Lent, and have picked up Bacon as a Second Language (BSL). I’m confused, lack willpower, and I usually just want to take a nap after eating anything with cheese in it (which is usually everything I eat). I need to stage an intervention on myself. I also know that I’m throwing myself a good old-fashioned pity party, because this goal of mine is extremely feasible and I could reach it fairly easily. If I could just stop eating my feelings, which just happen to be drenched in mayonnaise and cheese.

best dinner ever

21 Reason Why Losing Weight Is Hard

  1. Dollar Menus  and 2-for-1 cheeseburger promotions at “Restaurants” that just happen to be open 37 hours a day.
  2. Lack of Dollar Menus (or cheap promotional deals) at your local grocery for apples and asparagus.
  3. The man who ate Big Macs everyday for 25 years, and still weighs less than my nephew.
  4. The lady who drinks 3 Big Ass Gulps a day, but is still alive- did I mention she can run faster than me?
  5. Cheese.
  6. The prep time for cooking a decent meal- after 20 minutes, I’m exhausted and I just want to take a nap. After eating a cookie, of course.
  7. My obsession with mayonnaise.
  8. The fact that I can eat ribs and ice cream and somehow lose weight, but I eat salads for three days straight, and I gain 2 pounds.
  9. Willpower is something I know nothing about. Just like what it’s like to go out with a gentleman.
  10. It’s really hard to fight the Itis.
  11. Because John Legend shared his Mac & Cheese recipe with the world. Not my fault- I am a helpless victim.
  12. Cereal. Not the granola ones,-I’m talking about Golden Crisp, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops. See?   The names even sound more inviting- how are you going to have fun with Raisin Bran?  I want to go to a Captain Crunch party!
  13. The waiter who ask you if you want coffee, brandy, or dessert after a meal. Leave me alone before I start making bad decisions.
  14. Beer.
  15. The fact that you have to jump up and down in most workout regimes. That’s pretty hard for me. Are there any vigorous workout plans where I can just sit on my couch and watch Breaking Bad?
  16. Preparing lunches for the week is also time-consuming. Since everyone wants me to put more effort into my appearance, by the time I’m done plucking and moisturizing everything, I need to get out the door! Lunch or looking hot? Pick one!
  17. Brunch.
  18. Exercising affects your breathing. I’m not trying to pass out.
  19. Chocolate.
  20. Bacon.
  21. Chocolate bacon.


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