So I gained half a pound this week. Considering all the events that have transpired this weekend, I should consider myself pretty lucky. I have survived the Superbowl, decided to chug a beer for every touchdown my team scored ( that plan was not executed correctly AT ALL), drank the equivalent of a case of wine in 72 hours, devoured bar food, and celebrated my birth with my college roommate. This has all happened since Friday. Thank goodness my birthday only comes once a year, otherwise I would be screwed. Wait, my birthday isn’t even until this coming Sunday. I am SO SCREWED.
But don’t pat me on the back for only gaining half a pound under these circumstances. I can’t even pat my own back, because I’m not flexible. You should actually smack me on the back because I’m 184 pounds. I really have done nothing in the past week to positively contribute to my cause. Let’s look at a few things:
Good Things I’ve Done This Week
- I worked out 3 days in a row
- I had a few salads
- I didn’t drink any soda
- I thought happy thoughts
Bad Things I’ve Done this Week
- Drank my weight in dranks
- I ate a Burger King Chicken sandwich really late at night because my grilled chicken and vegetable medley looked depressing
- Abandoned my barely-there exercise routine in a matter of days
- Decided to celebrate my birthday as long as possible, somehow justifying to myself that I can eat whatever I want during said celebration
So where I go from here? Dare I try to separate celebration from EATING AND DRINKING? What a foreign concept! How in the world will I manage expressing my happy feelings, without adding cheese on something and washing it down with inhibition-juice? Anyone can tell you that the feeling you get from biting into a nice cheeseburger can oftentimes resemble the pure joy you feel at the birth of your first child, graduating from beauty school, or your wedding night. Instead of birthday shots, should I just accept hugs from my friends? Before things get out of hand and I start eating vegetables everyday (baby steps), I’ll set some small goals for the week:
- I’ll drink only water and vodka until Saturday (ok , just kidding… just vodka)
- Work out a minimum of 60 minutes per day (somehow sounds shorter than saying 1 hour if I think of sweaty time in minutes)
- No eating after 8pm (I do not want to turn into a Gremlin)
I’m keeping it real by telling you guys that’s all I can honestly commit to right now, without lying. But baby steps, right? I didn’t get this sexy overnight, so it’s going to take a while to change my frat boy eating habits. Wish me luck. Or rather, wish me a 4 lb. weight loss.
*By the way, anyone going out with me this weekend for my birthday celebration, I will NOT be upset if you offer me a shot instead of a hug.
–KEEP IT A HOT MESS