My 183 is not Your 183: Month 7 & Ten Reasons Why I’m Still Fat

I have a few things to say right off the bat:

  • I was able to fit into “the jeans” by the time I got to Boston, but I ate so much while on vacation that they were not an option upon my return
  • I’ve pretty much accomplished NOTHING in the past  6 1/2 months, and am currently hanging my head in shame (all the while eating dunplings, guava steamcake, and homemade strawberry lemonade)
  • Month 7 Activity: I managed to lose 2 of the 8 pounds I gained during this entire “process”! YAY!

So where does that put me now, during month 7?  My goal was to be the hottest football ever for Halloween, and that date is 3 1/2 months away. If I can say one thing, I am starting to resemble a football, but not in the way that I had imgained. Hello, my name is Michelle, and I am the Worst Procrastinator in the World.

But I haven’t given up on myself yet…. I can’t believe that I will somehow get it together in 3 1/2 monthsw (something I haven’t been able to do in 6), but miracles have happened before…Marc Anthony finally married J. Lo right?  Oh wait…

As I near the end of my current journey to wear single digit jeans again, I have been reflecting on the issues I still face and hurdles I need to get over…

 “TEN REASONS WHY I’M PROBABLY STILL FAT”

  1. Chocolate tastes WAY better than any vegetable I have ever eaten
  2. My willpower is the size of my abs ( I DON’T HAVE ANY)
  3. People keep feeding into my illusion that I think I’m hot by telling me that VERY THING while I still weigh 1-and-oh-no-you-didn’t pounds….you know I need to lose 30 lbs, just don’t say anything to try and make me feel better (I’ll even settle for “oh you have such a pretty face”)
  4. Even though I am not fond of the body I’m in, I lose all self-esteem issues when I’m naked. For some reason, I think I look like Heidi Klum once my pants are off.
  5. I am still afraid of lifting weights. My fear is that I will somehow turn into Chyna from the WWE if I lift more than 10 lbs.
  6. Cooking for yourself all the time is EXHAUSTING. The other night, I made all my meals for the next day, which was completely stressful. After making a low-fat breakfast sandwich and two salads, I was forced to drink some Cavit Pino Grigio
  7. I am still under the assumptiom that I can eat crappy food, and if I burp enough afterwards, both actions will cancel each other out (hasn’t really worked out for me)
  8. Sue me, I’m impatient: I am one of 1,573, 982 women who can’t figure out that it MIGHT take longer than 6 weeks to lose the 30 lbs they have gained since freshman year. So when it doesn’t come off in our timely fashion, we turn to the Krispy Kreme cheeseburgers (yeah I had one before at the Dade County Fair, so sue me)
  9. Sweatpants and leggings are way more comfortable to wear than sexy jeans
  10. The world could not possibly be ready for what will happen when I get it right and get it tight. I am seriously afraid of how (a) the world will be impacted and (b) the sheer volume of phone numbers I will receive (it’s down right frightening to thing about)

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