The Dirty South: The Land of the Spontaneous (Oh, and apparently New Yorkers are Great Planners)

Sometimes a text message comes through your phone that is so unbelieveable, so OUTRAGEOUS, that it clearly must be shared with the entire world… or just your followers on the Internets (yes I made it plural- makes it sound funkier).

This rant was born from a recent encounter with a young gentleman I was in the process of meeting. We were in communication for over month, constantly going back and forth, trying to meet up. Now, I must give the man the benefit of the doubt, as he was a recent transplant from NEW YORK CITY (you will understand the reason for CAPS later), and was still getting settled into his new home of the 305 and work. It is for this reason I wasn’t too upset about the constant breaking of plans, as I could understand that he was still trying to adjust to the hustle and bustle of Miami, that is clearly absent in NYC.

We were finally getting somewhere when we tentatively planned a lunch date recently. He was going out the night prior and would be staying in my neck of the woods overnight, making lunch an actual possibility. I had the nerve to actually be excited-the the New Yorker seemed pretty cool, had a New York accent, and was a good cook…JACKPOT!!!

The day of the infamous Lunch Date, I sent the New Yorker a message to see what the deal was. He let me know he was nursing a huge hangover, to which I “LOL’d” a few times. He then revealed to me that he did go home that night, and not to “kill him”, because he didn’t want to make the drive down to my neck of the woods, and boy, does Miami party like a rockstar!!!!

This message confirmed to me that this union was a lost cause, and I actually wasn’t that upset at him- just chalked it up to us not being a match. I replied with a terse “That’s fine” message, and shot it off, with no intention of talking to him again. As I prepared to change his name in my phone to “DON’T PICK UP!”, my phone bleeped with a brand new text. And that’s when I was blessed with this gem:

“I’m sorry! 😦 I feel like I’m avoiding you or that you would think I’m hiding something. But I’m sooooooo far from that. Trust me please. Really can’t wait to meet you it’s just been bad timing I’m soooo sorry! But my uncle told me this long time ago that not to make plans until the day of cause down here isn’t like ny they don’t plan until the day of down here which seems to be sooo true”

ummmmmmm, REALLY?!?!?!

After I got over the weird word structure and the fact that I didn’t know men used so many oooooooooo’s when texting, I was still in disbelief that this was actually sent to me. I had right before my eyes, in my new T-Mobile sidekick, proof that people are still idiots. Oh, and apparently, NYC is home to a subculture of people who plan out EVERYTHING and Miami is home to Procrastinators Anoymous.

Soooooooooo (LOL), the reason we haven’t been able to get together is not because of your hectic schedule, but because you know that people in Miami don’t plan well???? Are you serious? And this is the reason you have decided to fly by the seat of your pants because you want to fit in with the local culture and atmosphere? What exactly do you think I’ve been attempting to do the last few weeks?  Oh, I don’t know, PLAN TO MEET YOU…

Now, I know I’m originally from Detroit (where we all have to PLAN ahead to make sure we don’t get  shot, so PLANNING is inherently in my blood), but I’ve been in Miami for over ten years, so I consider myself a South Floridian. Nevertheless, I want to leave you with a few examples of how myself and the rest of the Dirty South “don’t plan”things:

  • When going to movies, I always PLAN to get there at least 30 minutes ahead, to ensure that I don’t miss the previews and have seats in the back (perfect for my horrible vision)
  • Any true Miamian knows that they need to PLAN on getting to the beach before 1pm on the weekends in order to keep their parking search under 1 hour
  • People from the MIA-yo are always planning BBQs- year-round, as a matter of fact- can’t do THAT in NEW YAWK CITAY!
  • I’m pretty sure that I PLAN at least one party a month- of which I host and it is superawesome- full of people who actually PLANNED on being there!

P.S.  The New Yorker is obviously not smart planner. He just planned his way out of some John Legend/Sade concert tickets. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

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