After 5 months of pretty much going nowhere, I think I’m finally headed in the right direction (who knew it would take 5 months to “find myself”? Lay off me). People are finally comfortable enough again to tell me that I look like I’m losing weight with a straight face. And I’m starting to believe them again.
As I hit the second half of my journey to wear this football costume on Halloween, I have become slightly obsessed with things that I can fit/not fit into. If you have ever been on a diet, you know there is a portion of your wardrobe that is labeled “Stuff I’m Going to Fit Into Soon, Therefore I’m Not Going to Throw it Away”. For me, it’s about 65% of my closet. You know you should get rid of a lot of it, but you can’t seem to throw any of it away. This is because you just know you’ll never forgive yourself if you ditch that sparkly top from freshman year, because once you get back to that weight, you’ll want to wear it to the club you feel you’re too old to go into at this point in your life.
Case in point, I have this dress that I bought that was my “Freakum” dress- a term coined by Beyonce, that apparently once worn in a club setting, will force women to become jealous of you and men will want to dance with you and buy you drinks. I bought this dress, knowing I couldn’t fit into it, but it was a goal of mine to fit into by the end of the summer:
Anyone who knows me is probably looking at this dress and is going “Are you kidding me? She couldn’t even fit into that when she was 5!” But it stretches, I swear. But not enough to go over anything going on right now. Oh, and I bought this in 2006. So much for progress…
Another outfit that haunts me is my smallest pair of jeans and the quintessential “sparkly” top. I made this ensemble my first gauge of heading in the right direction- once I am able to fit into it, I know that things will be ok. At this moment, I gave myself a timeline of getting into the jeans by the time I go to Boston in a month:
I just tried it on, and let’s just say there’s some muffins to be sold. So I’m not there yet, but I will be. This also explains why I only wear one pair of jeans to work- because I can’t fit the other pair I have (so people at work can stop thinking I’m crazy). And I’m not going to buy any more jeans until I fit into these- because who needs more clothes in their closet that they can’t wear?