I’ve Never Been With a Black Girl Before: The Other Side of Interracial Dating

Growing up in Detroit, I just assumed that I would end up with a black man. Particularly a certain kind of black fellow I like to call “The Pretty Boy”. This prototype is modeled after the Ginuwines of the world- light-skin, tall, slender, with a Scurl to match (see photo below for definition of this hair phenomenom):

When I reached high school , there was a slight fascination with boys of other ethinicities. I would find myself being stared at by some of the boys in my biology lab, and rather than create butterflies in my stomach, I felt a slight unease. I looked at white boys like I did Children of the Corn: strikingly beautiful, but I’m pretty sure they would kill me if they had the chance.

It wasn’t until I moved to Miami for college, that I realized my attraction for all men- and I mean ALL men. It started when I grew out of my Al B. Sure phase and became completeley enamored with darker black men, who happened to be the size of small trees. I blame it on living in the football dorm my freshman year and a certain NFL superstar who shall forver remain nameless. From there, I became attracted to men of all backgrounds- mostly because my hobbies and taste in music attracted men of all races ( I didn’t know too many black men who were Linkin Park fans at the time). At that point, if you were cute, you were for me. I have gone out with the 6’10” black basketball player, the red-bearded skinny Irish artist, and the Mexican fireman (they DO exist!). I asked my best friend the other day what type of guy she thinks I’ll end up with and she paused, then replied “Probably some big ol’ country white boy from Alabama”. That’s coming a long way from being afraid of the Corn Children, right?

Sadly, this rant is not really about me broadening my horizons and being enlightened on loving all people- otherwise it wouldn’t be a hot mess…..

I’m here to make you aware of this issue that many black women are forced to deal with: I call it the “Never Been With A Black Girl Before Syndrome”, which plagues thousands of White, Hispanic, Asian, and Pacific Islander men all around the world. A recent scientific study indicated that approximately 48% of all men are affected by this illness. There is no cure for this condition, but it can be treated with a dose of reality. If you are unsure if you or someone you may know is suffering from NBWABGBS, please note a few of the early onset symptoms:

  • You exhibit changes in speech when speaking with a Black woman (i.e. “Hey Sista! You are looking sexy!”)
  • You watch dating shows like For the Love of Ray J and Flavor of Love, as opposed to The Bachelor
  • You frequent dating sites such as blackpeoplemeet.com, blackplanet.com, and interracialdating.com
  • You enjoy junk in your trunks
  • You are usually the only White/Hispanic/Asian man at the club during Guy’s Night Out with your basketball buddies from the gym

Now the man mentioned above is not exactly the guy who is just comfortable dating women of all colors because he is open-minded. This guy is completely ENAMORED with the thought of dating a black woman! This guy has had countless fantasies about the “Black Woman”, as if she is this hot, sexual beast of a creature, whose pores are saturated with some type of lust potion.

Not to say that this is not true (BECAUSE IT IS), but I have encountered many a man who is not into me because he thinks I am awesome, but because he feels like he’s taking a trip to Hedonism if the date goes well.

For example, I have been on dating websites before, and there are so many different options to choose from. As a black woman who is open to dating all races, I have perused through profiles of men who were African, Swedish, Irish, Brazilian- you name it, I want it. What I do find interesting is my need to scroll down to the bottom of their profiles to see who THEY would date, as many may not be as open to interracial dating as I am. What’s even more hilarious are the guys who will list EVERY OTHER RACE of woman besides an African-American one (these men are not aware of our transformation into tigers once we are in the sheets).

When I have come across a guy who is plagued with NBWABGBS, I would get messages like this:

  • “Wow! You are really hot for a black girl!”
  • “ I have dated black women before. Mostly regular black girls though, you know, darker than you” (?????)
  • “I’ve never been with a Black chick before! Now that I think about it, that’s kinda hot… I bet you’re very sensual”
  • “I think Black girls are so sexy. You must know how to dance sexy too!” (This was a REAL email I received- no lie)

Let me give you guys that dose of reality I mentioned before: No I am not like the “Video Vixens” you see in Lil Wayne videos. I cannot make my body parts jump like that. I don’t know all the words to all rap songs, and I cannot recommend a great soul food restaurant. I’ve never been shot, and I don’t know your random college roommate who is also from Detroit (note: the city is home to about half a million Black people, not just me and Marcus from freshman year).

I will not be able to open you up to a new world of sexual fantasy just because my skin is a shade darker than your mom’s (literally- I’m pretty pale). But if you want to date a Black woman who likes Linkin Park more than Ludacris, give me a call, shoot me an email, or buy me a drink next time you see me at the bar.

11 thoughts on “I’ve Never Been With a Black Girl Before: The Other Side of Interracial Dating

  1. You Know Who This Is says:

    Whenever my friends and I go to a bar, for the most part, we’re typically just stared and told that the way we dance is very much liked, which typically bothers the hell out of me. First of all, I’m not on a pole, so don’t tell me anything like that. Second of all, I’m just dancing — there’s nothing mystical about it! Stop treating me like forbidden fruit! Some people are blessed with rhythm, and I’m extremely lucky to be one of them!

    I often feel that I’m not attractive enough for some of the brothers I’m attracted to, I’m not attractive enough of some of the white guys/other I’m attracted too. And for the ones that are attracted to me (when the feelings are nowhere mutual), they are always trying to get me to do typical “black girl things” — like grinding up on them or showing them how to dance. What the frick’n’frak? It’s not happenin’, son!

    One thing I will never forget: A good friend and I went out for New Years, and this one Indian guy was forcibly turning my friend around so he can dance with her from behind. Woah — what, really? It bothers the crap out of me.

    Anyway, this is my long, drawn out way of thanking you for being one of the few to people brave enough to shed some light on this. I often want to ask some of these guys in their face why they are so afraid of us. What makes us undateable? Unapproachable? And why must you feel that you have to cater to whatever your presume our cultural guise to be? Just talk to me, and approach me like any other regular woman. I got the same parts (well, I can’t speak for all…but I know I do) and at the end of the day, that should be all that matters. Don’t just talk to me because I’m some unchartered territory. This ain’t 1492, and I’m more than certain that you are no Christopher Columbus. The concept of black people, and black women, existing, should no longer be foreign.

  2. Great post! My ex husband had that syndrome lol. That’s a who other blog in itself. Anyway, I’ve dated across the racial board and ended up with a black man. Funny black men were not where I started though. Again, love this post. Great job!

  3. I’ve experienced the flip side of this coin, I use to live in Athens, GA, which is a college town, home to University of Ga. And have been approached by countless Becky’s and Susie’s because of my height (I’m 6’2, 6’3 on a good day) and they assumed I played for the basketball team (of course you know I lied and said I did, I aint turning down free snappy nappy dugout). I assumed they wanted to cash in on any future multi-million contract I would eventually signed.

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