My 183 Is Not Your 183: Month 5 (Including a Month 4 Drive-By)

This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life (besides accepting the fact that I will never marry Mark Wahlberg/transform into Jem from the Holograms)- admit that I have a problem sticking to my weight loss plan.

Admitting to the whole wide world ( or rather the 5 people who read my blog by force) that I cannot stop eating cheeseburgers. Or anything with cheese for that matter. Last month was so bad, that I didn’t even have the cajones to tell you what happened. I must have gained like 8 more pounds, and I couldn’t even fit into any of my clothes. It went something like this: (pretty sad, right?)

As I report to you this month, I am very happy to reveal that I have rejoined the gym! You would think that I would have never left, but somehow I justified the fact that I should stop spending $$ on a gym membership, and waste the money on dranks and half-off Las Vegas rolls at RA (great sushi by the way). Rejoining 24 has given me another start, and also broadened my dating pool. But it also has its other positives.  May I present to you, “Reasons I Rejoined The Gym”:

#4: TO GET SKINNY- WINNING!-It’s pretty much a no brainer- lose weight, get healthier. Get healthier, lose the large pants.

#3: DISTRACT MY MIND FROM EATING FRENCH FRIES- I have come to the realization that I eat out of boredom, so the sensible thing is to occupy my time.  Seeing as the gym is a mile from my office, I just head straight over at the work, trying to ignore the blinding lights of the Golden Arches. (*Sidenote- why are the lights so bright at night?  It really is unfair that if you’re trying to find someone to eat, all you can see is a big-ass “M”, when the Subway sign flickers like a dim light in a crack alley. You can’t win).

#2: MORE BLOG MATERIAL- Where else are you going to be able to witness naked old ladies who invade personal space, men in spandex shorts, camel toes, questionable steam room shenanigans, and more steroids than baseball? If the TV monitor on my treadmill ever dies, or I forgot the headphones for my IPod, I am assured that I will see something or someone who will fuel a hilarious blog entry for the future.

#1: MEN- I don’t really need to join the gym. I have workout DVDs at home; I live near a park. Why would I waste $32 a month to go to a gym when I have a bike, weights, and nature at my disposal? Because my living room doesn’t have boys in it. I am treated to a parade of hotness every afternoon, when I step into the square-footage of the gym. Granted, they smell a bit, but I can look past that. Tall men, short men, all shapes and sizes, colors and backgrounds.

And dozens of other women have figured this out too. Ladies are now coming to the gym with makeup on, boobs out, and matching spandex workout gear. I thought that my 2000 Greek Week shirt and UM shorts would be ok, but I now have to step up my game! I may have to ditch my ragged “We’ll Kill You In Detroit” t-shirts, and let introduce 24 to Thelma & Louise!!

Another plus to going to the gym on a regular basis is progress. What do I mean by that? Let me explain- I start going to the gym looking completely schlumpy (NEW WORD), and notice the hot guy who plays basketball doesn’t really pay me any mind. Sure I’m cute, but he wonders why I am sweating so much after 20 minutes on the treadmill. Weeks go by, and after a few months, Jesus Shuttlesworth starts to notice that I can hold my own on the tread and my 2nd chin has disappeared-EUREKA!  He might stroll by my machine and say hello, and even consider asking me out soon. Next thing you know, I’m hotter than Miami in July and he asks me out. JACKPOT!  That’s when I politely decline, and say he should have hollered at me when I was chunky, because he is a shallow douchebag (But I’ll probably take his number anyway- girl’s gotta eat!)

-Keep It A Hot Mess

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