My 183 is not your 183: Month 3

Weight: 404 LBS.

PUSH-UP COUNT: Who Gives a F

I was sitting, idly, in the McDonald’s drive-thru just last night, thinking that I’ve been here before. There can be no way I can count how many times I have said that today is the day I’m going to quit eating like crap, and finally lose weight. It probably happens 2-3 times a week. And this has gone on for about 8 years now. I’m not kidding. Seriously, who does that? But last night, something WAS different. Whether I was tired of eating french fries, already full, or just perhaps constipated at that very moment, I suddenly sped off and headed back home (well, as fast as I could on my two-week old donut tire).

Because I AM tired. Too tired. Tired of pretending I’m not fat (you can say whatever you want, I am). Tired of having only two pair of pants because dresses fit better (these white pants are OLD). Tired of feeling like I have a rock made of high fructose corn syrup and bacon in the pit of my stomach. Tired of looking at pictures, and noticing how I look like I ate the 1997 version of myself ( though my hair is absolutely fabulous!). Tired of thinking that the guy didn’t call me because I’m huge (when it was actually that lame joke I told…ok, let’s be real, my jokes are awesome!). Tired of feeling sick after every meal (and sad that I never seem to feel this way before I hit the drive-thru). Tired of running only 250 feet and getting winded (ok, ok, ok, 150 feet, but I really hate running!). Tired of being tired.

Right now, I am still harboring a 72-hour stomach ache due to the lack of vegetable intake. Sometimes I feel that people whisper around me, thinking I smell like bacon. I know people mutter that I would be “just so pretty if I lost weight”. I know that’s crazy (might be the sugar talking), but these are the thoughts of a psycho, fast-food addict. WHO HAS JUST QUIT. That’s right, I said it. I’m going cold turkey….

WTF AM I GOING EAT NOW?!?!?!

Stay tuned…..

-Keep It A Hot Mess (Because I am….)

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